In simple terms, I wanted to live a life that I’ve always dreamed of. I didn’t want to ‘wait for the right time’ anymore and I certainly did not want it to be a mere daydream or fantasy. Forget those temporary escapes for I am confident to what I’ve always desired. There was no better way to get going with it then to take the plunge and jump onto the next boat I could find, whether or not it was a functioning or faulty boat that would either keep me afloat or sink in time – I’d get my answer as soon as I hop onto it and sailed onward..
“I didn’t get a chance to finish my thoughts along with my half lit cigarette and as I dragged on to that last puff just in time to realize what has become – it was already 2014″.
Though I have fortunately and naturally slowed down on nicotine, I felt that this metaphor symbolized exactly how I felt about the year that went by. Time was irrelevant and being timeless gave me a mix of emotions, where one moment I felt absolute and thankful to just BE and at the same time feel strangely helpless to witness my age increase by the number. 2014 would be the last year of my 20s.
It’s no longer about getting old in numbers or those once upon a time fear of aging superficially. With age comes wisdom and self awareness in hopes of finding that enlightenment of utopia and so I wonder, how much have I come into terms with this life that I am living and how far have I progressed as a soul living inside this human body?
I turn 29 this year and I can still hear and feel the inner child voice of that little Rachel who still lives in me. It’s almost like I am time travelling within my body and having all these different versions of Rachel reemerge and subside at different phases of life.
Eventually I made a choice to fight for consistency and so it was to travel, explore and discover a world beyond my imagination and to absorb all these different cultures and re-enact them into my very own existence. To continuously be in love with life, accept my freedom, pursue my crazy dreams and believe in the so-called unattainable. So here I am today, this moment, in Bali.
It’s been almost 4 months since I called KL my base and only 7 months since my last solo journey to Europe. Heck, 2013 was yet another amazing year of achievements for me and secretly, at times I ask myself in disbelief, how did I make it happen?
Being one with what you’ve always imagined and dreamed of seems to come with consequences that I had to bear. I justified every obstacle with the price I had to pay to live a life like this. Every wall I hit or every drain I slipped into, I picked myself up and soldiered on because it’s logical to see the dark before you see the light. It’s only fair to suffer before you bear the fruits of your hard work. That is the art of balance in life, as I had always obeyed to.
On the days that it got lopsided and the negative overpowered the positive, I look deep within myself and seek for the most familiar voice in my head only to remind myself that this is what I had asked for. I use to be confident in thinking that it only takes that 1 crucial month of readjustment and adaptation until you absorb yourself into a new environment and begin to coexist in harmony. I guess it took a longer period this time and it’s probably because I’ve been getting far too many blessings in life and it’s surreal to the point that I myself would look in the mirror and question, what did I do right (or wrong) to deserve all this goodness in life?
I’ve reached my lowest yet highest point of self-awareness during my early 20s. As a late bloomer I had no regrets because since then I’ve pretty much been getting all my life desires fulfilled, effortless. Sure there are hiccups here and there but at the end of the day, I would reach that destination. I am humbled. I feel overwhelmed at times and want to burst into a spectrum filled with inspiration and want to sprinkle it all over the people around me in hopes of returning the favour of what those who have inspired me had done for me. If only they knew.
Sure I’d have to pause all my travel goals and pursue this island life that I have signed up for. I would have to sacrifice my nomadic habits to commit and hold on to my new found business and passion. I would need to stay put and be patient to learn and grow this foundation that will in time benefit my ways of living. I am convinced that this is the cost for a greater good.